Baby Steps
by Sammy
Summary: Progress can be slow and painful... that's something Chris realizes fast


**Baby Steps**

**written by Sammy**

> * * *
> 
> **The machines beeped in Chris' room. A steady beep, monitoring his heartbeat. Rita was sitting at his bed, holding his hand. This was what she'd done the last 5 months, months of desperation and helplessness, since he'd been shot by two cop killers. They had just confessed their love, had gotten married... and the baby. The birth was due in about 2 weeks and there was only one thing Rita wished: she wanted Chris to wake up and be with her when their baby would be born. But the fact was that the doctors had told her they didn't know whether he ever would wake up. There'd been too much damage to his body, it was a miracle he'd survived surgery twice. **
> 
> **The last 5 months Rita's home had been the hospital. From time to time she'd spent the nights there until Harry had advised the nurses to call him when it was late and she was still there. Then he'd come and taken her home. Home - what was home? Chris' loft. She had sold her apartment even before he was shot. They wanted to get a new apartment as they knew there wouldn't be enough room for them and the baby. Now an empty cradle stood in the bedroom. **
> 
> **Dreams had come and gone the last few months. Sweet dreams, of Chris waking up. They always had the same ending. Chris opened his eyes and kissed her. Rita was having this dream again. She'd fallen asleep by Chris' side some time earlier. Someone caressing her hair woke her up. Rita's head shot up.**
> 
> **"Chris?" she asked and saw that Chris was still lying in his bed, motionlessl. Harry was standing behind her, smiling.**
> 
> **"Come on, Rita. You need to go home. It's late."**
> 
> **"No, Cap. I can't. Chris needs me. I'll stay here." she insisted and reached for Chris' hand. The hand was cold and damp.**
> 
> **"Do we need to go over this again?" Harry stated. "How often did we discuss this already? You have to think about the baby as well. Let's go. Frannie is at your place cooking dinner for you and the baby. You know how she can be when she has to wait."**
> 
> **"Yeah, I know." Rita replied with a little smile on her face. Then she turned back to Chris and kissed him on his forehead.**
> 
> **"I will be back tomorrow, Sam." she whispered. "Don't forget, I love you."**
> 
> **She got up and studied Chris for a moment. He was strong, she knew that. Stronger than any other person she knew. He would bounce back. She was sure he would. It was just a matter of time, but he would wake up one day for her and their baby. Then she left the room with Harry.**
> 
> * * *
> 
> **When Rita and Harry entered the loft they smelled something... something unidentifiable. Frannie was in the kitchen waving the smoke away from the stove with a dishrag. **
> 
> **"Ssshhhh.... dammit!" she exclaimed and put the pan into the sink. Then she realized her husband and Rita were there. **
> 
> **"Ooohhhh, this should be your dinner, dear. I am sorry, I burned it."**
> 
> **"It doesn't matter. I am not hungry at all." Rita replied and grabbed the pile of letters from the kitchen counter. She thumbed through them.**
> 
> **"Bills, bills, bills... I really don't know how I am gonna pay all this." she sighed and dropped the letters back on the counter. **
> 
> **Harry and Frannie exchanged looks. They had been wondering how Rita was living the last few months. A lot had to be paid for Chris' stay in hospital, not to mention about all the things she'd had to buy for the baby...**
> 
> **"I am a little tired. I'll probably go to bed. You guys can go home. I will be fine."**
> 
> **"You sure?" Frannie asked.**
> 
> **"Yes. And don't worry about those dishes. I will clean them up tomorrow..."**
> 
> **"Nonsense! I created the mess and I will clean them. You go to bed and rest and Harry and I will do the kitchen."**
> 
> **Rita didn't even try to say anything against it. She was too tired and she knew how insistent Frannie could be. She smiled at her and then headed for the bedroom. When she was gone Frannie approached her husband and handed him a cloth to dry the dishes.**
> 
> **"I don't like what she's doing to herself. She should think about the baby." she whispered, not wanting to let Rita hear her though she knew she couldn't.**
> 
> **"I know, Frannie, but what else could she do? Act as if Chris is dead? She believes he'll wake up some day though the doctors have told her he probably won't. If you ask me, I believe it as well. I know Chris is a fighter. And the baby needs its father."**
> 
> * * *
> 
> **Rita was back in hospital early the next morning. Breakfast had been a cup of milk and a strawberry muffin which she ate on her way to the hospital. She knew she needed to eat more because of the baby, but she couldn't force herself to do it. When she entered Chris' room she saw him lying in bed in the same position he was lying when she'd left him the previous night.**
> 
> **"Hey Sam, I am back." she whispered in his ear as she caressed his cheek. Then she sat down in the chair.**
> 
> **"I was rearranging the furniture in the bedroom the last night. I couldn't sleep very well so I moved the cradle near the window. It looks nice there." she told him and smiled a bit. **
> 
> **"Oh, Chris. I need you here with me! Our baby needs you. You told me you'd be with me when the baby is born. DAMN YOU!"**
> 
> **She jumped up as she felt a sudden pain in her back. She put her hand on her back and bent forward.**
> 
> **"Jesus, not now!" she mumbled as a second pain hit her. She took a deep breath. She was having strong contractions - 2 weeks too early! She didn't know what to do now though she was in hospital already. She pushed the button for the nurse next to Chris' bed. A moment later a nurse entered the room. She saw Rita leaning against the wall with he hand on her back. Her face was painfully twitching.**
> 
> **"Miss Lance, are you okay?" the nurse asked as she approached Rita and handed her an arm to lean on.**
> 
> **"Uhm, this is a little embarrassing now, I am having contractions." Rita replied as another strong pain came.**
> 
> **"No, this is not embarrassing at all. We'll get you to the maternity ward now. Do you want me to call Cap. Lipschitz for you?"**
> 
> **"No... not yet, please." she answered and shook her head no.**
> 
> **All Rita needed was Chris to be there for her. She knew Harry and Frannie would make her even more nervous than she already was. **
> 
> * * *
> 
> **At 11:45 am the phone rang in Cap. Lipschitz's office. He groaned as he reached for the receiver.**
> 
> **"What? Did I change my policy on interrupting meetings with Donovan?" he yelled into the receiver, earning a strange look from George Donovan.**
> 
> **On the other line there was a female voice.**
> 
> **"One moment please, Sir." she said, not even apologizing for disturbing him. Harry frowned as he sat down in his chair as Rita's voice was heard on the other side.**
> 
> **"Cap, this is Rita." she said groggily.**
> 
> **"Rita, honey, everything all right with you? You sound very tired."**
> 
> **"I am, Cap, I really am. I have some news for you."**
> 
> **"News? I only hope it is some good news." **
> 
> **"Certainly. You have a godson." she laughed.**
> 
> **"I... WHAT?" Harry exclaimed and jumped up. "What the hell are you telling me here, Rita?"**
> 
> **"Sorry, Cap. Everything went so fast this morning. I couldn't call you in time. He was born within an hour after contractions started."**
> 
> **"Oh my g... is he okay? Is he all right? Come on, girl, spit it out!"**
> 
> **"Yeah, he is. 22 in. and 7 pounds, 12 ounces. Oh, they are bringing him right now. I have to go, Cap."**
> 
> **"Don't move an inch. Frannie and I will be there as soon as possible. Oh Rita, I am so happy for you."**
> 
> **"Thank you, Cap. Bye."**
> 
> **"Bye."**
> 
> **Harry put the receiver down and smiled all over his face. His eyes were glowing as he put his glasses down and shook his head. George Donovan stood at the desk shrugging his shoulders.**
> 
> **"Any news about Chris?" he finally asked.**
> 
> **"No, not about Chris." Harry replied, grinning from ear to ear. "I have a godson, George. I have a godson!!"**
> 
> **"Rita had the baby? Aw, how's she doing? And the baby, of course."**
> 
> **"They are both doing fine. Georgie boy, I am sorry, I have to go to the hospital immediately. Please, excuse me."**
> 
> **With that Harry hurried out of the office and left George Donovan behind. **
> 
> **'Georgie boy? He never called me Georgie boy before...' George Donovan thought and smiled.**
> 
> * * *
> 
> **The door to Rita's room opened and Frannie and Harry shuffled in. The first thing they saw was the baby in Rita's arm. The little boy opened his mouth wide and yawned. **
> 
> **"Oh Heschy, look at that splendid baby!" Frannie exclaimed and approached the bed. **
> 
> **"Hi Cap. Hi Frannie." Rita smiled at them. **
> 
> **"How are you doing, Rita?" Harry asked. He put down the bag he was carrying and approached the bed as well. He looked at the baby and carefully stroked his head.**
> 
> **"Good, Cap. Really good."**
> 
> **"So, what's his name?"**
> 
> **"Uhm..." Rita handed the baby to Frannie. Then she caressed his small amount of dark hair. "Sam... Samuel Christopher Lorenzo. Yeah, you are my little Sammy."**
> 
> **Her face lit up when she saw the baby rubbing his eyes. He gurgled and yawned again.**
> 
> **"Did you look after Chris before you came?" she finally asked and searched for something in her night stand. **
> 
> **"No, no, we didn't. But I don't think there are any chances. They would have told you." Harry objected.**
> 
> **"I have to see him. I have to tell him about his son." **
> 
> **Rita sat up and was about to leave bed when Harry pushed her back down.**
> 
> **"You aren't going anywhere. You will rest. You just gave birth to this baby here."**
> 
> **"Cap, I can't. I have to see Chris. I have to tell him about our little Sam." **
> 
> **With that, Rita struggled to get up and moved to the chair where Harry had placed the bag with her clothes. Frannie wanted to object, but Harry shook his head and held her back. He knew she had to tell Chris. He was Samuel's father. **
> 
> * * *
> 
> **About half an hour later Rita was sitting at Chris' bed again. Only 4 hours ago she'd given birth to their son and she was still feeling weak, but she needed to be with Chris. She needed to tell him about his son who was in the nursery now. **
> 
> **"Oh Sam, I shouldn't need to be here to tell you this. You should have been there with me..." she wiped a tear from her eye before she continued, "We have a son, Chris. A little son. He looks so much like you. The dark hair, the blue eyes... he's you. I named him Samuel Christopher - after you. He's our little Sammy. I thought this way I could give him something from me as well. My nickname, the name you gave me. The name I gave you. You should see him, Sam."**
> 
> **Chris' hand was in hers now. She squeezed it and looked down at the wedding band she was wearing around her neck on a chain. It was Chris' wedding band - a sign for his commitment to her, as well as a sign for his strength to bounce back. **
> 
> **Rita sniffed, "Ah, I need to go back to Samuel. He needs his feeding. While I am away I will ask Cap and Frannie to be here with you. Just in case something changes..."**
> 
> **She kissed him on his forehead and got up. Then she turned and opened the door to the corridor when she suddenly heard a voice mumbling something behind her.**
> 
> **"No... not Frannie. She treats me like a baby..."**
> 
> **Rita stopped in her tracks. Was she hallucinating or did she hear Chris talking to her? She turned back to the bed. When she saw Chris' eyes were opened and he was looking at her, she covered her mouth with her hands.**
> 
> **"Sam..." he whispered and moistened his lips.**
> 
> **"Don't move. I'll get you a doctor."**
> 
> **Rita rushed out of the room and down the corridor. She bumped into Chris' doctor. Even before he could say something she pulled him to Chris' room. On her way a nurse informed her that her baby boy was crying for his meal. Rita wanted to be with Chris right now, but she knew Samuel was a little more important at the moment. Chris was awake. Everything was going to be all right.**
> 
> * * *
> 
> **Some time later Chris' doctor, Dr. Picardo, joined Rita and Samuel in the nursery. He wanted to inform her about Chris' condition. **
> 
> **"Ms. Lance, I assumed I'd find you here." he smiled warmly.**
> 
> **"What... what about my husband? Is he all right?" Rita asked and laid Samuel back in his cradle. Then she left the nursery with Dr. Picardo.**
> 
> **"He's doing very, very well. Better than we thought he ever would. He asked for you several times."**
> 
> **"Can I see him?"**
> 
> **"Sure. But there's one thing I need to talk to you about before you go see him."**
> 
> **"Wh... What?" Rita stammered, an expression of fear on her face. This wasn't starting out very well. **
> 
> **"He kept talking about a totally different incident when he got shot. I don't know what he was talking about. Maybe you could help me. He told me about a woman who shot him because she was jealous of you. She even tried to kill you."**
> 
> **"Oh Jesus!" Rita exclaimed and leaned against the wall. Chris was talking about the Deborah Bouchard incident. That happened 2 years ago! If that was what he remembered last, he wouldn't remember he married her, he wouldn't remember he was going to be a father...**
> 
> **"Ms. Lance, I would suggest you don't tell him anything about what happened after that incident at the moment. It will be better for your husband. I know it won't be easy for you, but as I said, it would be the best for your husband."**
> 
> * * *
> 
> **Butterflies were flying around in her stomach when Rita entered Chris' room. She saw him lying in the bed facing her. A smile broke out on his face when he saw her.**
> 
> **"Hey Sam, where've you been?" he asked, as Rita sat down on his bed. **
> 
> **"Uhm... nowhere actually." she answered and smiled at him. She took his hand into hers and caressed his cheek. "How are you feeling?"**
> 
> **"Weak. Too weak to move anything. But now that you're here with me I am already feeling a little better." he replied and closed his eyes for a moment. When he opened them up again he saw the ring on Rita's finger, her wedding band. His face darkened for a moment. Rita realized it.**
> 
> **"What... what is it, Sam?" she asked, frightened. Then she realized he was staring at her wedding band. **
> 
> **"Ah, this guy there told me I lost some time. How much time, Sam?" he asked back, turning his look away from the wedding band.**
> 
> **"Actually, from what you remember, you lost 2 years. The last 5 months you were in a coma."**
> 
> **"2 years... things have changed a lot since then..." his voice trailed off. Thinking Rita married someone else... this was too hard for Chris. She was his Rita, HIS Rita. She'd always been. What had he done that she committed to somebody besides him. What the hell had he done?**
> 
> **"Yeah, things have changed a lot since then." Rita nodded while still stroking his cheek.**
> 
> **"You... you're married?" Chris asked hesitatingly, indicating the ring she wore. Rita nodded silently. She couldn't tell him she was married to him. She just couldn't.**
> 
> **"So there's a man in your life? Do I know this guy? I mean did you meet him before my loss of memory? What's his name?"**
> 
> **Rita had to fight the tears welling up in her eyes. She never expected this to be so hard. Maybe it was only her hormones, she didn't know. She turned away for a moment and composed herself.**
> 
> **"Yes, there's a man in my life." she finally replied and turned back to him. "And no, you don't know him yet. His name is Samuel."**
> 
> **"Samuel?" Chris asked in disbelief. Why Samuel? This was their nickname for each other. Imagining she called another man Sam made Chris feel sad. "You... you think I could meet him someday?"**
> 
> **"Sure. I think he will be more than eager to come see you, Chris." Rita smiled. Samuel needed to see his father. And Chris needed to see his son.**
> 
> **"Uhm, Sam, one last question. Why are you here with me and not with your husband? The nurses and the doctor told me you spent most of the time here."**
> 
> **This question startled Rita. What should she answer? She couldn't answer him she was with her husband all the time. She thought it was better to change the subject immediately. This conversation had already become very awkward.**
> 
> **"Sam, you need some rest now. I better go now and see if I can catch Harry and Frannie. They're walking around here somewhere. I should tell them you're awake."**
> 
> **With that she kissed him on his forehead and got up. She caressed his cheek one last time and was about to leave when Chris suddenly grabbed her wrist and held her back. He had used all his energy to do that. Now his arm sank down on the bed.**
> 
> **"You didn't answer." he replied and looked at her, his blue eyes beginning to sadden.**
> 
> **"I... Sam... I can't. Not now. Please forgive me."**
> 
> **She hurried out of the room and left Chris behind.**
> 
> * * *
> 
> **Rita was back the same afternoon. She knew Frannie was in there with Chris. For some time she stood in front of the door to her husband's room. She didn't know whether she could take this any longer. Samuel was sleeping on her arm. She thought she should introduce him to his father. Maybe Chris would remember if he saw him. Maybe he would remember he was going to be a father when he was shot. Rita suddenly felt a hand on her shoulder. She turned around and saw Harry standing behind her. **
> 
> **"I talked to your doctor earlier. He said you could leave hospital with Samuel today if you want. I know you hate hospitals. I hope I didn't do anything wrong." he stated and cuddled the baby.**
> 
> **"Thank you, Cap. I really need to bring Samuel home."**
> 
> **She turned away from Cap and stared at the closed door to Chris' room again.**
> 
> **"Do you think it's a good idea to bring Samuel right now?" Harry asked after awhile.**
> 
> **"I really don't know, Cap. I only know Chris needs to remember his baby. I want Samuel to know that he has a father though he doesn't remember him. Maybe when Chris sees him..." Rita stopped and looked down at the baby sleeping in her arms. "No, I need to talk to him about that first. Could you, Cap?"**
> 
> **Harry just nodded and took the baby from Rita's arm. She smiled at her baby and kissed him on his forehead before she entered Chris' room. As she opened the door she heard Chris complaining.**
> 
> **"Frannie, please!! I am not a kid. I can do that alone." he exclaimed while Frannie placed the pillow behind his back and helped him sit up.**
> 
> **"My dear Christopher, you just woke up after 5 months in coma. You CAN'T do that alone. Nobody can."**
> 
> **Rita remained at the door and smiled. This was the Chris she knew. She crossed her arms in front of her as Chris spotted her.**
> 
> **"Sammy, save me! Save me from this evil witch!" he yelled and tried to wave his hand. He wasn't very successful.**
> 
> **"Evil witch? Oh, that was bad, Chris. You hurt Frannie's feeling." Rita stated calmly, trying to control herself and not to burst out laughing. She knew how Frannie could be. **
> 
> **"Thank you, Rita, but I think I can defend myself pretty well. Christopher Lorenzo, you are the WORST patient I ever saw!!! Try to do it alone. I won't come back to help you. Goodbye!!"**
> 
> **Frannie shuffled out of the room, leaving Chris and Rita behind. Rita immediately burst out laughing. Chris joined her a second later. Rita sat down on his bed and shook her head about what had happened. When was the last time she'd laughed together with Chris? It felt so good to see him laugh and smile again. **
> 
> **"Nothing to do right now?" Chris asked and raised his eyebrows.**
> 
> **"Well, I have something to do at the moment, my friend." she teased. "I am here to make you feel better."**
> 
> **"Oh, thank you, Sammy. I am already feeling a little better now that you're here." he replied with his famous grin on his face. His eyes sparkled.**
> 
> **"Okay, now that you're feeling better, someone is waiting to visit you outside. You think you're up to it?" Rita asked not really feeling very comfortable with that, but she wanted to show Chris the baby. Their baby.**
> 
> **"Who's waiting outside?"**
> 
> **"Samuel."**
> 
> **Chris' face darkened. He wasn't quite sure if he wanted to get to know this guy. He'd stolen away his Rita. He'd stolen away what he cared about most. As he saw Rita was waiting for an answer he simply nodded.**
> 
> **"Are you sure, Chris?"**
> 
> **"Yeah, yeah, get him in here. I really wanna know this guy who has so much luck to get a woman like you, Sam."**
> 
> **Rita smiled and got up. She moved outside to where Harry was still waiting with the baby. Frannie was gone. She lifted the baby from Harry's arm and grabbed the bag from the floor. She took a deep breath and nodded at Harry before she entered Chris' room. **
> 
> **Chris immediately saw the baby sleeping on Rita's arm. His eyes opened wide and his jaw almost hit the floor. Rita put the bag down in front of Chris' bed and sat down again. The baby yawned and opened his eyes. He starred at Chris and then drifted back to sleep. **
> 
> **"Chris, this is Samuel." Rita finally said and cradled the baby in her arms.**
> 
> **"This is Samuel???" Chris asked and shook his head slightly.**
> 
> **"Samuel Christopher. Named after the persons I care about most."**
> 
> **"I thought..." Chris began but couldn't finish. He stared at their little baby. Rita had a baby! She really had a baby...**
> 
> **"I guess I know what you thought. I only told you that there's a man in my life. Samuel." she explained and caressed the baby's cheek. She hoped Chris wouldn't start asking about his father. She wouldn't know what to answer then. **
> 
> **"He's cute. Handsome. Beautiful. Can you say a baby boy is beautiful?"**
> 
> **Rita laughed, "Sure you can, Sam."**
> 
> **"He looks so small. How old is he?" Chris asked. **
> 
> **Rita looked at her watch before she replied, "Not even 7 hours."**
> 
> **"Are you kidding? 7 hours, Sammy?"**
> 
> **Rita just nodded and looked at her baby son who stirred slightly in his sleep. His fist was under his chin and he seemed to smile at both his parents.**
> 
> **"What... what about his father?" **
> 
> **This was the question Rita had feared. What should she answer Chris? She didn't want to lie at him, but she had to. She knew it was the best for him if she lied.**
> 
> **"I am not living together with his father at the moment." she replied, turning away from Chris. She couldn't face him right now. He knew her better than anyone else. He would see she was lying to him.**
> 
> **"But you're still married to him?" Chris inquired.**
> 
> **"Yeah, I am. Look, Chris, I love my husband. I really do. But circumstances have made it impossible for us to live together. I know he loves his child and I know he loves me. If time passes by everything will be like it was before he..." her voice trailed off as a tear fell down on her cheeks. She immediately wiped it away.**
> 
> **"I am sorry, Rita. I didn't want to make you sad. Not on such a big day for you. I mean you had this beautiful baby today..." Chris tried to make her smile again.**
> 
> **"I guess you're right. Today is a big day. Not only because Samuel was born... you came back, Chris."**
> 
> * * *
> 
> **The same night Rita was lying on the bed staring up at the ceiling. Her baby was sleeping in the cradle in the room. Her arms were crossed behind her head. She sighed as the phone rang. She immediately reached for the receiver on the night stand in order not to wake up Samuel.**
> 
> **"Lance..." she answered waiting for a reaction.**
> 
> **"Sam, it's me. Chris."**
> 
> **Why did Chris call this number? He'd called his own number, getting her on the phone. **
> 
> **"Chris? Why... how...?" she stammered.**
> 
> **"I called Cap and he told me you were looking after my loft while I was gone. Since I didn't get you on your line I would call my number. See?" he explained.**
> 
> **Rita was still speechless. He'd have to become suspicious. It was past 9 and she was still at his loft. **
> 
> **"Uhm, why are you calling, Sam? Anything wrong?" she asked and looked over to Samuel's crib. She saw he was stirring in his sleep.**
> 
> **"I just wanted to know if you need something. If Samuel needs something. I mean..."**
> 
> **"Chris, that's nice, but Samuel is already sleeping and I am on my way home." Rita lied. She wasn't feeling good at all. At least she didn't have to face Chris while telling him this lie.**
> 
> **"Rita, this is a nightmare here. I HATE hospitals. Will you come back tomorrow to brighten my day a bit? And will you bring this handsome baby of yours?"**
> 
> **Rita smiled and turned on her side. She reached for the photo standing on the night stand and grabbed it.**
> 
> **"Sure I will, Sam. I am not quite sure yet if I will bring Samuel, but I certainly will be there."**
> 
> **She traced the contours of Chris on the photo while she was talking to him on the phone. She'd been 2 months pregnant when that photo of Chris and her had been taken. Neither had known that they'd be parents.**
> 
> **"Sam, I can't sleep here. I certainly will have nightmares." Chris replied childishly. "Do you still have Suzy Pratt? Would you read it to me?"**
> 
> **"I sill have Suzy Pratt, but it's at home. And I don't think you have a copy."**
> 
> **"I do. On the bookshelf next to the..." Chris stopped. Why did he have a copy of Suzy Pratt? He was sure the book was on the bookshelf, but how? How could that be? Rita cleared her throat as she knew why Chris had stopped. The book was on the bookshelf next to one of his sports trophies. It was her book that was on the bookshelf. She had placed it there. How many times had Chris and she read in the book? How many times had Chris read Suzy Pratt to Samuel before he was born? The last time he'd done that was the night before he was shot.**
> 
> **"Forget about that, Sam. I think I am totally nuts now. That's what 5 months in a coma can do to you."**
> 
> **"No, no, no! I will get the book for you. Indeed, it is on the bookshelf. You still want me to read it to you?"**
> 
> **"Yes, please. Read it to Samuel as well. I think he will like it."**
> 
> **A tear dropped down on Rita's cheek when Chris said that. He didn't know what this meant to her. She climbed out of bed after she'd placed the receiver on the nights tand and went to fetch the book from the living room. When she came back she saw her baby son had opened his eyes. He was staring at her. So she picked him up and sat back down on the bed. She leaned against the wall and grabbed the receiver.**
> 
> **"Still there, Chris?" she asked and opened the book.**
> 
> **"Still here. I heard the baby gurgling in the background. Is he all right?"**
> 
> **"Certainly. It seems he wants to hear Suzy Pratt as well." Rita laughed slightly and glanced at her son in her arms. "So, where are we going to start now? I think this is good. Suzy always knew that there was something wrong with the mansion at the end of the street. She and her friends had an arrangement to avoid the forest, the rotting bushes and the bony trees that were hiding the mansion. But today Suzy woke up with the desire to have a closer look at this house. It was like an invisible power was dragging her towards this mysterious place..."**
> 
> * * *
> 
> **The next morning Rita walked through the doors to Chris' room. Over her left shoulder Samuel was sleeping and she was carrying a diaper bag on her right shoulder. She saw that Chris' bed was empty. **
> 
> **"Chris?" she asked and looked around, curious. Nowhere a sign of Chris.**
> 
> **"Hey, Chris!" she asked again, but again there wasn't a response. Fear came up in her. What if something happened to him the last night? Where was he? Where the hell was Chris? She left the room and looked down both sides of the corridor - until she heard voice.**
> 
> **"Fraaaaaaaannie!!! How often do I have to say this? Please, leave - me - a - lone!"**
> 
> **A wheelchair was pushed around the corner and she saw Chris sitting in it, pushed by Frannie Lipschitz.**
> 
> **"Sam, rescue me again!" he yelled. "Save my butt!! UAGH!"**
> 
> **Rita laughed and patted the baby's back. She slowly approached. Frannie stopped the wheelchair.**
> 
> **"He's all yours, honey." Frannie stated and put on the brakes on the wheelchair. "But I have to warn you, he isn't easy to handle."**
> 
> **"I know, Frannie. Thank you."**
> 
> **Frannie looked at Chris one last time and shook his head. Then she left them.**
> 
> **"Gosh, what did I do to deserve this?" Chris laughed and looked up at Rita. **
> 
> **"Look, she wants to be nice, Chris. Get used to it. That's Frannie." Rita laughed back. Then she first looked at the wheelchair and then at the baby sleeping on her arm. How would she get Chris into his room while Samuel was still sleeping on her arm. She would need both hands to push him to his room. Chris noticed the look on her face. **
> 
> **"Uhm, Sam, you think I could hold this splendid baby while you get me back to my room?" **
> 
> **He gave her one of his puppy looks. Rita knew it was the only way to get him to his room, but she wasn't quite sure whether she could give Samuel to Chris. He was still very weak. **
> 
> **"Nah... I don't think that's such a good idea."**
> 
> **"Oh, come on, Sammy. I can hold him. I am strong enough. Please. I will be careful."**
> 
> **Rita sighed. Then she handed the baby to Chris, placing him carefully in his arms. Samuel stirred but didn't wake up. For some time Rita stood there looking at father and son. With a bright smile on his face Chris looked at Samuel. Rita had to fight the tears. She didn't want Chris to see it so she started to push the wheelchair down the corridor. Nobody said a word - until Samuel's face suddenly went totally red. Chris panicked.**
> 
> **"Sam, Sam, he's choking! He's choking!" he shouted. "Jesus, he's choking!"**
> 
> **Rita stopped the wheelchair and looked down at Samuel. His hands were clenched to fists and his face was absolutely red. She only began to laugh.**
> 
> **"Wh... what?" Chris stammered. "He's choking! Won't you do anything about it?"**
> 
> **"He probably only needs a new diaper."**
> 
> **A moment later the pink color came back into Samuel's face and there was a sign of relief on his face. There was also a sign of relief on Chris' face. **
> 
> **"A new diaper? Gosh, I really thought he was choking..."**
> 
> * * *
> 
> **Rita and Samuel spent the whole day with Chris. She felt so good to laugh and smile with him. It was a family reunion, though Chris didn't remember. The way he reacted when he was around Samuel. He was acting like a real father. Samuel was sound asleep in his car seat on a chair next to the bed while Rita sat on the bed next to Chris, feeding him with dinner.**
> 
> **"You are really starting to act like Frannie. I can eat all by myself. See?"**
> 
> **He took the fork out of her hand. Unfortunately parts of the mashed potatoes dropped on his hospital gown.**
> 
> **"Oh, I see you can handle that." Rita smirked. Chris stared at her and began to laugh as well. "I think I better feed you, my friend. Or you will look like a 2-year old who just is allowed to use the fork for the first time."**
> 
> **After dinner was finished, Samuel cried for his meal as well. He screamed as loud as he could. **
> 
> **"Geeze, hungry again, my son?" Rita smiled at Samuel while she lifted him on her arm. She rocked him softly, but he didn't stop screaming. "Excuse us for a minute, Chris. We will be right back."**
> 
> **Rita left Chris' room with a screaming baby on her arm. She came back about a quarter hour later. She found Dr. Picardo standing next to Chris' bed. A conversation was going on.**
> 
> **"It's the best for you, Mr. Lorenzo."**
> 
> **"I am not going to a rehab center. There are only old people there. I won't. I can look after myself pretty well and I will gain my strength alone."**
> 
> **He folded his arms in front of his chest a bit like a rebellious child. **
> 
> **"Please, think about it. Good night."**
> 
> **Dr. Picardo nodded at Rita when he passed her and then left the room. Rita sat down on Chris' bed after she'd put Samuel back in his car seat.**
> 
> **"So, Mr. Lorenzo, what was that about?" she asked and raised her eyebrows.**
> 
> **"This guy wants me to go to a rehab center. What the hell is he thinking?"**
> 
> **"Why do you think this is such a bad idea? I mean..."**
> 
> **"You disagree? I thought you were my friend, Sam."**
> 
> **"I AM your friend, Sam. You mean a great deal to me and you know that. I just think that it might be good for you. Look, there was a lot of damage done to your body. It took you almost 2 months to recover fully the last time you were shot. You are so stubborn, Chris. And vain. Why won't you accept help? Why? I think I better leave now. It's time for Samuel to get home."**
> 
> **Rita got up and grabbed the diaper bag from the floor next to the chair. Then she carefully lifted the car seat with Samuel, not wanting him to wake up.**
> 
> **"I am sorry, Sam. I promise I will think about it tonight. If that's what makes you happy..."**
> 
> **Rita turned and shook her head.**
> 
> **"You don't need to do it for me, Sam. You need to do it for yourself."**
> 
> **With that she left the room in a hurry. Outside on the corridor she leaned against the wall. Tears were running down her cheeks. **
> 
> **'Why do you have to be so stubborn, Chris?' she asked herself. 'Why won't you accept anybody's help? You need help. You need to recover for Samuel and me.'**
> 
> * * *
> 
> **The phone rang early the next morning. Rita turned on her side and sleepily searched for the receiver on the night stand. Sleep last night had been about 2 hours for Rita since Samuel decided to cry all night long. And at 6:30 am, when she finally had fallen asleep, he cried for his meal. Now he was sleeping like an angel in his cradle while the phone rang loudly.**
> 
> **"Yeah?" Rita mumbled into the phone and rubbed her eyes.**
> 
> **"Did I wake you?" Chris asked on the other side of the line. "Normally you're wide awake at 8:30."**
> 
> **"That was when I didn't have to take care of a newborn baby. So, what is it, Sam?"**
> 
> **"Nothing important. I just wanted to tell you that I thought about what you said to me last night. I decided to go to the rehab center. I need some help."**
> 
> **"I am glad you're doing this, Chris. It will help you recover fully."**
> 
> **"Uhm.... Sam, will you come to visit me today?" Chris asked after a little silence on the phone.**
> 
> **"Sure. I don't know yet when I will get there. Look, Sam, I need an ice cold shower right now to get all my cylinders running. Talk to you later."**
> 
> **"Yeah, see ya."**
> 
> **Rita placed the receiver back on the night stand. Then she climbed out of bed and approached the crib. Samuel was lying on his side, sound asleep. Rita smiled down at him and softly patted his back. Then she walked to the bathroom. She undressed and studied her face in the mirror for a moment. She recalled Chris' call. How could he know she was at his place? She shook off the thought when she heard crying emanating from the bedroom.**
> 
> **"Coming, darling!" she shouted. She grabbed her gown and put it on before she went back to the bedroom.**
> 
> * * *
> 
> **It was late afternoon when Rita walked into Chris' room some days later. Samuel was in Frannie's care - at least until he needed to be fed in about 2 hours. Rita saw Chris was sitting in his wheelchair at the window of his room.**
> 
> **"Hello handsome." she smiled and walked over to him. **
> 
> **"Hi there beautiful." he replied and turned his head to face her. Then he tried to turn the wheelchair as well. He struggled hard, but he was still too weak. So Rita helped him turn the wheelchair.**
> 
> **"So, what does this last day here in hospital feel like?" she asked and sat down on his bed.**
> 
> **"I think 'am I gonna miss this all'?" Chris teased and smiled. **
> 
> **"Nah, I think you won't think about all this here the moment you enter the rehab center. Cap and I checked it out the other day. It's incredible, you know that? You'll certainly like it."**
> 
> **"If you say so... Uhm, talking about Cap, there's something I need to tell you, Sam. Something Cap told me the other day."**
> 
> **'Oh, oh, this isn't starting out good,' Rita thought and raised her eyebrows.**
> 
> **"Okay, I am all ears. Tell me what Cap told you the other day."**
> 
> **"Uhm... I don't know how to say this... Cap said you're living at my loft at the moment. That's why I got you there every time I called. He said after all that happened with your husband you had some money problems. Since you had to move out of your apartment and couldn't find something in time, you moved into my loft. I just wanted to let you know that I am totally okay with that. You and Sam can live there until I can move back in... which won't be for a few months."**
> 
> **Rita didn't say anything, but nodded reluctantly. **
> 
> **"Okay, that's what I wanted to tell you for days now. Just thought I better do it right now. Feels a lot better."**
> 
> **Rita got up and hugged him close. She needed to do this right now. Chris wrapped his arms around her. His face covered in her hair he smelt her sweet perfume. Hmmm, this felt so good, having Rita in his arms. He wished Rita would feel the same things he felt at the moment. Safety, devotion, a connection he couldn't describe. If he only knew that Rita felt exact the same way. **
> 
> * * *
> 
> **Chris' progress was slow, but he did make progress. After a week in the rehab center he was able to move his arms the way he wanted. He could even push his wheelchair for a short distance. **
> 
> **Chris enjoyed the time he could spend with Rita and Samuel. He couldn't say why, but he somehow seemed to get his strength from Samuel. This little boy meant so much to him. There was this kind of connection between him and this little baby... he couldn't describe it. **
> 
> **Rita, by comparison, felt that Chris had changed completely since he had entered the rehab center. She felt he didn't talk to her. Since they had known each other they had shared their thoughts, their feelings, their problems, their secrets, everything. Now he didn't talk to her about anything. The only time she felt he was allowing himself to open his heart to her was when he was around Samuel. He obviously meant a lot to him. Everybody could see that. **
> 
> **Rita wanted to tell him that Samuel was his son so badly, but Chris' doctors had told her she shouldn't tell him anything about his past. He should remember by himself. They feared that all he couldn't remember would cause a shock when Rita told him and he would never remember. Just wait and see.... just wait and see.**
> 
> * * *
> 
> **Rita turned on the stereo and went to the window in the living room. Samuel was getting fussy on her arm. He stirred and showed signs of waking up any moment. She cradled him in her arms as she watched the sun setting outside. Why did this have to be so hard? Why didn't Chris remember? He had a son, he should know. What she could see in his eyes earlier was almost heartbreaking. He had so much joy with Samuel though he didn't know he was his son. Now that he was in the rehab center things would be fine. But how long could Rita stand this? How long could she stand not being honest with him? **
> 
> **Rita stroked the baby's hair as he sucked his dummy and waved his arms slightly. He looked so much like his father. She wondered why he never noticed this. Samuel had Chris' deep blue eyes, his nose, his mouth... he looked like Chris in any ways.**
> 
> **The low music lulled Samuel back to sleep. Rita kissed him on his head while she listened to the song playing on the stereo... **
> 
> **_There are tears without the colour  
A million seas with water  
An ocean full of people  
Where shattered hearts can go  
And love's a golden ripple  
Where answers are so simple  
But the explanations   
Are very hard to do_**
> 
> **_And to wish you'd think about me  
Before you go to sleep  
And I wish you the best there is  
Before you go to sleep  
Go to sleep_**
> 
> **Rita wiped the tears from her face when she heard a knock on the door. She turned the stereo down and gently placed her baby son in the bassinet standing in the living room.**
> 
> **"Coming!" she shouted while she approached the door. She composed herself and wiped the last tears away from her face. Then she opened the door. She was surprised to find her friend Keisha standing outside. In one hand she was carrying a bottle of wine, in the other hand she was holding a panda bear.**
> 
> **"Surprise!" she smiled and entered the loft.**
> 
> **"Hi Keisha. Nice to see you."**
> 
> **"Well, since you didn't come and show your baby boy round at the shop I thought I had to come and see him here. Sorry I didn't call. Cap. Lipschitz told me you were with Chris all day long."**
> 
> **Keisha placed the bottle of wine on the kitchen counter. She studied Rita intensively. It was hard to believe she had given birth only two weeks ago! Rita leaned against the sink and crossed her arms in front of her. She was tired. And she looked it**
> 
> **"Gosh, I think it wasn't such a good idea to come over. I should have thought about it before..." Keisha remarked and placed the panda next to the bottle of wine. "I think you can give this to your son and tell him it's from me and I will leave now."**
> 
> **"No, no, Keisha. I am glad you're here. I could really need some company or I would go crazy!"**
> 
> **"Thanks. So, where's this little boy everybody keeps telling me about?" **
> 
> **"In the living room sleeping in the bassinet. Let's go. I will introduce you."**
> 
> **Rita and Keisha went to the living room. The bassinet was standing next to the couch. Rita bent over it and smiled down at Samuel.**
> 
> **"Heeeellllooooo!" she cooed as she saw Samuel's eyes were half open. "Who's awake there? It's time for some sleep, sweetheart."**
> 
> **She carefully lifted Samuel out of the bassinet and turned to Keisha. Samuel blinked and moved his eyes to Keisha. **
> 
> **"Keisha, this is Samuel Christopher Lorenzo."**
> 
> **"Oh my, is he sweet. He looks so much like Chris, you know that?"**
> 
> **"I know." Rita replied sadly and looked down at her baby son. **
> 
> **"Sorry, Rita. I didn't mean anything... sorry."**
> 
> **"It's okay. It's just that I really don't know how long I can stand this. I mean Chris is Samuel's father. He loves him so much, I can see it in his eyes. I need to tell him he's his son, but... but I can't. I just can't. I don't know why. I can't do it. I can't tell him he has a wife and a baby he doesn't remember..." Rita's voice trailed off as tears ran down her cheeks. She sniffed and wiped them away. "Well, that's what all those hormones can do to you. You start crying in the most inopportune moments."**
> 
> **She sat down on the couch, her baby still in her arms. Keisha sat down next to her. She placed her arm around Rita's shoulders.**
> 
> **"You don't need to be strong for anyone. If you feel like crying, then cry. I know it's a hard time for you. I know how much you love Chris. Give him some time and he will remember everything. You'll see."**
> 
> **"I am glad you're here, Keisha. I think I really needed a friend to talk to."**
> 
> **"I'll always be there for you. You know that."**
> 
> * * *
> 
> **Chris was gaining his strength every day. He could use his arms already, not like he could before, he was still weak, but it was getting better every day. He could even move his feet, but he still had to use the wheelchair. It was too hard for him to walk. The doctors had told him he would need the wheelchair for at least the next one or two months. Chris couldn't accept that. His stubbornness and his strong will got him out of the wheelchair almost every day, walking around in his room when nobody was there. He was absolutely sure that in about a month he would be out of the wheelchair.**
> 
> **2 months had passed since he'd woken up from his coma and he still didn't remember anything. The bottom line was that his doctors had told him he probably would never remember anything. In that time, Rita never had answered any of Chris' questions regarding her husband. Chris wondered why she always changed the subject so fast. One time she'd asked him if something was wrong, why he never talked to her about his feeling, his fears, everything... Chris exactly knew why. **
> 
> **Chris loved her, he always had. And this love was growing each day. He should tell her, but how could he without losing her? In the time span he didn't remember, something must have happened between them, something very serious. Why would she marry another man? They'd always been the closest friends. They trusted each other like no one else. Chris wasn't quite sure what happened in the past, but he knew it had something to do with the strong feelings he had for Rita.**
> 
> **One day outside in the garden an old lady had come over to Chris. She glanced at Samuel who was lying in his arms. She'd told Chris how much Samuel looked like him. Those eyes, the smile, everything. For the first time Chris looked at Samuel from a different point of view... Those eyes, his eyes! Samuel had his eyes! It was like he saw himself every time he looked into them. But how could that be? How could that be...**
> 
> **Their son... Every time Chris looked at Rita's little boy, every time he looked into the baby's deep blue eyes it was like he saw himself. It was like he saw his past, his present, his future. This connection he had to Samuel... this bond was something special. It was like a bond between father and son. But how was that possible?**
> 
> **There was another man in Rita's life. She was married to someone else. If he told her all his feelings, all his fears, he would lose her. He was sure he would lose her. She had a life without him, with her husband and with their son. There was no place for Chris' love for her. Sometimes there even didn't seem to be a place for a best friend...**
> 
> * * *
> 
> **Chris was out in the garden of the rehab center. He stopped his wheelchair next to bench. He was enjoying the birds singing when he suddenly heard a baby's squeal behind him. He turned the wheelchair and saw Rita approaching him. On her arm Samuel was squirming. He was laughing and smiling, his little arms reaching out for Chris. **
> 
> **"Hey, who's coming there? My two Sams!" Chris exclaimed happily and pushed the wheelchair down the path. **
> 
> **"Hey Chris. How are things going?"**
> 
> **"Great, absolutely great!" he smiled and took Samuel from Rita's arm. "Huh, did you miss me, Sammy?"**
> 
> **Samuel smiled all over his face. His blue eyes began to sparkle at the exact same moment Chris' eyes began to sparkle as well. Rita sat down on the bench next to where Chris had stopped the wheelchair. **
> 
> **He was pulling faces for the baby, but Samuel didn't seem to be interested at all. He only raised his eyebrows and twitched his nose. Then he grabbed Chris' t-shirt and sneezed. **
> 
> **"Hey there, pal. I am making faces for you. You should at least smile a bit."**
> 
> **The small boy looked up at Chris and frowned. Then he sneezed again. Rita only could laugh about those two. Sometimes she really asked herself who was the kid, Samuel or Chris? Samuel sneezed for the third time when a nurse approached them.**
> 
> **"Ms. Lance," she began, "there's a phone call for you. It's a Captain Harry Lipschitz. He said it's important."**
> 
> **"Oh dear, I really don't want to know what it is now..." Rita sighed and got up. "Sam, you think you can handle Samuel while I am inside talking to Cap?"**
> 
> **"Sure I can. Little Sammy has a great pal in me, don't you know?"**
> 
> **"Yeah, I know."**
> 
> **Rita smiled at Chris and placed a kiss on Samuel's forehead. Then she followed the nurse back inside. Meanwhile Samuel had decided to take a nap right in the middle of the day. He yawned.**
> 
> **"No, no, no sleeping right now. I need to tell you something. And you should listen to me, Sam."**
> 
> **Chris smiled as he saw the baby was trying to keep his eyes open. **
> 
> **"I know it's not easy right now. Not for you, not for your mommy and not for me. I... I know you are my son, Sam. I didn't tell anyone, but I know it. I don't know what I should tell your mommy. I mean she didn't tell me either. The past 2 years are still a secret for me. I don't remember, but nobody needs to tell me about you. There's a special bond between us. I love your mom, I always have. Well, she didn't tell me anything about us, but I know there is an us... somehow. I think she wants me to remember. I am not quite sure why I know you are my son, I don't even remember if I ever told Rita how much I love her, truly love her. I always feared that. Oh Sam, how can I tell her?"**
> 
> **Chris shook his head when he saw that Samuel had fallen asleep. He kissed him on his forehead and then saw Rita approaching them, a smile on her face.**
> 
> **"I see you got along just great." she said and sat down on the bench next to Chris.**
> 
> **"We definitely got along great. He looked at me, I looked at him and - puff - he was asleep." Chris laughed and handed the boy back to Rita. She smiled down at the baby and rocked him in her arms.**
> 
> **"Rita, can I talk to you about something or do you have to leave immediately?"**
> 
> **Rita looked up at Chris and saw the reflections in his eyes. This was going to be a serious conversation. She just wasn't quite sure about what. Did he finally remember? She only nodded and turned her attention back to Samuel.**
> 
> **"I... uhm... Samuel needs a father." **
> 
> **"Oh, thank you for telling me this, Chris, but that's something I know as well."**
> 
> **"I mean... I mean he needs HIS father."**
> 
> **There was silence now. What did he want to say? Rita stared at him and slightly shook her head.**
> 
> **"I know you're not telling me the truth, Rita. I don't remember clearly, but I know something for sure. Samuel is my son, is he?"**
> 
> **Tears rolled down Rita's cheek. Who told Chris Samuel was his son? **
> 
> **"I am right..." Chris whispered. Rita jumped up from the bench and hurried away. Chris undid the brakes of his wheelchair and followed her as fast as he could.**
> 
> **"RITA!" he yelled after her, but she didn't stop. He heard the baby began to cry. "Rita, stop. PLEASE! Please, I love you." **
> 
> **Rita stopped in her tracks. She didn't dare to turn around and face Chris. He reached her. He put the brakes on and stood up. Then he put his hand on his shoulder and forced her to face him. Tears were welling in her eyes and running down her cheeks. The baby on her arm cried as loud as he could.**
> 
> **"Why are you saying this, Chris? Why are you doing this to me?" Rita shouted at him.**
> 
> **Chris raised his hand and wiped the tears from her face. He smiled at her trying to make her smile as well.**
> 
> **"Because it is the truth. I may not remember I told you how much I love you before, I may not remember I proposed to you, I even may not remember where and when we got married, but I know one thing for sure. I love you, Rita. I've always been in love with you. From the very first time we met. I didn't want to lose our friendship, so I never told you what I really felt but..."**
> 
> **"Chris... Chris, I can't do this. Not like this. Yes, Samuel is your son. And we ARE married, but... forgive me, Sam. I just can't do this. I need you to remember. I need you to tell me... You shouldn't feel responsible for me and Samuel."**
> 
> **"... uhm, you need me to remember. Fact is, I probably never will remember. I tried everything, even hypnosis. I never told you that I did that. So you want to go on like this the rest of our lives? I love you, Rita. Hell, I don't remember, but who cares? I am telling you what I feel right now. We have a second chance, Sam. We just have to take it."**
> 
> **Chris pulled Rita's chin up. She looked at him, her eyes red from her crying. But she immediately turned her face away.**
> 
> **"I'm sorry, Chris. I can't do it like this. I can't. Please forgive me!"**
> 
> **She turned and ran down the path. Chris stood in the middle of the path watching her and Samuel vanish in the distance.**
> 
> * * *
> 
> **Rita arrived at the loft and smashed the door shut behind her. She leaned against it from inside and began to cry. She'd tried to fight the tears on her way home, but now she couldn't any longer. She glanced at the baby on her shoulder. He was sound asleep. Tears were streaming down her cheeks. Why did Chris do this to her? How did he dare? How could he say he loved her if he didn't remember? She slowly made her way towards the stairs when she caught sight of one of the many photos of Chris in the loft. **
> 
> **"Damn you!" she shouted and pushed the photo off the table. The glass shattered on the floor and exploded into thousands of small pieces. She hurried up the stairs, still crying. She carefully placed Samuel in his cradle and then threw herself on the bed. Her face covered in the pillows, she cried even more. **
> 
> **There was a knock at the door downstairs. A moment later there was a second knock. No one responded to those knocks.**
> 
> **"Rita?" a voice yelled from outside. "Rita!!! Open up!!" **
> 
> **The knocks began to get louder and louder, but nobody would open the door. Fists were hammering against the door now.**
> 
> **"OPEN UP! PLEASE!"**
> 
> **A key was put into the lock and the door slowly opened. A head appeared in the doorway. It was Chris.**
> 
> **"Rita?" he yelled again, but didn't get a response.**
> 
> **He closed the door and staggered into the loft. He looked for support at the wall and slowly made his way into the living room. All those photos on the wall... the cover of the Palm Beach daily, one of their wedding photos, pictures of their childhood, everything. Then he saw the shattered glass on the floor. He carefully bent down and picked up the splinters. Suddenly he heard Rita crying above. He slowly walked up the stairs and found her laying on the bed, her head covered in the pillows. He saw the crib near the window. Chris silently approached the crib and watched his son for a moment. Samuel was lying on his back, his dummy in his mouth. His face was turned towards the window and he slept peacefully. Chris turned and moved to the bed. Rita hadn't noticed him. He placed his hand on her shoulder.**
> 
> **"Sam..." he whispered. Rita shot up and stared at him.**
> 
> **"What..." she wiped some tears out of her face, "... what are you doing here?"**
> 
> **"I live here, don't you remember?" he replied and sat down on the bed. All his muscles began to get weak the same moment and he sank down in Rita's arms. She pulled him up and helped him lean against the wall.**
> 
> **"You shouldn't be here, Chris. You know you shouldn't."**
> 
> **"I know I should be where my wife and my son are. That's where my life is."**
> 
> **Rita shook her head slightly and sniffed. She caressed Chris' cheek and turned her eyes away.**
> 
> **"Please, don't do this to me. I don't want you to be here because you feel responsible for Samuel and me."**
> 
> **"Nonsense. Listen to me, Rita. There's a beginning for everything. We can start this here and now - again. We did before. Or what do you wanna do? I love you, Rita. I really love you. And I love our son. Gee, the first time I saw him I felt connected to him. There was a bond I couldn't describe... Do you wanna change all that? I am Sam's father, I am your husband. I am not here because I feel responsible. I am here because I love you two more than anything else! I was afraid to tell you earlier because... because I thought it would ruin our friendship. But not telling you the truth almost ruined it!"**
> 
> **Rita began to cry again. Chris didn't know why. **
> 
> **"Rita?" he whispered but she only shook her head. He moved a bit closer and wrapped his arms around her. He held her close as she sobbed into his chest. He smelled the scent of her hair. She smelled so good. **
> 
> **"Chris, I can't do it like this. You can't come back and tell me you love me."**
> 
> **"What should I do then? I love you, Rita, more than anything else. What else can I do than tell you this?"**
> 
> **"Not only saying 'I love you' shows you love someone..." Rita sniffed and wiped the tears from her face. "I should get you back to the rehab center."**
> 
> * * *
> 
> **Chris couldn't sleep well that night. He lay in his bed in his room and stared up at the ceiling. Finally he had told Rita what he was feeling and she was completely angry at him. How could that happen? So that was what had happened the years he couldn't remember. They'd crossed the line and had gotten married. Chris wished he could remember so badly, but he couldn't. What else could he do to show Rita he loved her? **
> 
> **Maybe she didn't want him back in her life... she needed him to remember but he couldn't. This relationship had begun in the past, maybe it also ended somewhere there, Chris just couldn't remember. Rita was his best friend, he didn't want to lose her. But at the moment it looked like he'd lost her already. **
> 
> * * *
> 
> **Chris was sitting in a chair at the window of his room. Rita hadn't shown up the last 3 days. She hadn't called and Chris hadn't called her. Everything that ever was important to them suddenly was taken away. Their friendship... nothing would be like it was before. And only because Chris couldn't remember. **
> 
> **"I have to let her go." he whispered, thinking he was alone in the room.**
> 
> **"Who?" a male voice asked behind him. **
> 
> **Chris turned and saw Harry standing behind him. He had a small smile on his face. He didn't know exactly what had happened between Chris and Rita, but neither of them wanted to talk to him. Rita was hiding in Chris' loft together with Samuel, she wouldn't open the door for anyone. She didn't answer the phone. **
> 
> **Harry had come because Chris' doctor had called him. The last 3 days he hadn't done any of his training to strengthen his muscles, nothing. He just sat in the chair and stared out the window. Nothing, not even a small smile on his face. And all because he had told Rita he loved her. **
> 
> **"Ah, Cap, hi." Chris replied and stared back out of the window.**
> 
> **"Ah, Cap, hi? That's all? Son, I think we need a little talk here."**
> 
> **Harry slid a second chair next to Chris and sat down. **
> 
> **"About what? I think there's nothing we need to talk about."**
> 
> **"There _is_ something we need to talk about. Rita."**
> 
> **Chris only shook his head. He didn't even face Harry.**
> 
> **"Come on, Lorenzo, this mustn't end like this. I know you love each other."**
> 
> **"I am going to let her go, Cap." Chris whispered again.**
> 
> **"WHAT? Chris, no! You can't do that! Hell, you have a baby."**
> 
> **"Don't you see it, Cap?" his head turned around and eyes filled with tears stared at Harry. "She doesn't want me anymore. She doesn't want me. And I am not going to force her. Everything we had was in the past. Important things I can't remember. I want her to be happy, Cap. I only want her and Samuel to be happy. Therefore I have to let her go..."**
> 
> **"No, you mustn't let her go. You both need to talk. That's it, you need to talk about this."**
> 
> **"It's too late." Chris stared back out the window. "It's too late. I lost her already."**
> 
> **"No, you didn't lose her. You didn't. The first time I walked into my office and saw you two... I already knew that someday, somehow, you two would end up together. When you were shot the first time, Chris, Rita sat by your side all the time. She almost had a breakdown because she didn't know whether you would survive or not. What I saw in her eyes wasn't just fear losing her partner or her best friend... I saw this kind of fear you have when you think you're going to lose someone you love with all your heart. I have to admit that you both really did a good job lying to yourself, lying to each other and lying to everybody else. And then this one morning, I stood at the newsstand and what did I have to see? A cover of the Palm Beach daily with a picture of you guys getting married..."**
> 
> **Harry stopped and shook his head. He waited for Chris' reaction. He turned his head and stared at Harry again.**
> 
> **"We didn't tell you?" he asked surprised.**
> 
> **"You didn't tell anybody. It was your little secret. But I was so glad for you that you finally had told each other what you really felt all the years." Harry smiled. "Yeah, and then you told me you were expecting a child..."**
> 
> **Chris shook his head, "Nevertheless I have to let her go, Cap."**
> 
> **"Work it out, Chris. You can do it. You were in love before. Start it again..."**
> 
> **"No. I give up. Tell Rita she can do what she wants, she can take my child wherever she wants to. I am not angry with her. I think I understand her. And I hope she'll understand me."**
> 
> * * *
> 
> **Rita sat on her couch, her baby sleeping in her arms. She cradled the small boy gently while stroking his wispy of hair. This was all she'd done the last 3 days. **
> 
> **All she ever wanted was for Chris to come back to her, to tell her he loved her. He did, but what now? He'd lost 2 years... those 2 years that were the most important in their relationship. He just couldn't come and tell her he loved her, no he couldn't... words, words were easy to say. How could she be sure he didn't say all this because he thought he should, because he felt she needed this right now? **
> 
> **There was a knock at the door. Rita ignored it and glanced down at the baby in her arms. There was a second knock. A third knock.**
> 
> **"Rita, I know you're there." Harry yelled from outside. "I am going to break the door open if you don't open it up the next minute."**
> 
> **Rita remained on the couch and cradled Samuel in her arms.**
> 
> **"I am not kidding, lady. I am really gonna do it." Harry yelled again.**
> 
> **Rita sighed and shook her head. Then she got up and placed Samuel in the bassinet. A moment later she slowly opened the door. **
> 
> **"Well, that's better." Harry smiled when he saw her head appear in the door.**
> 
> **"Cap, I really need to be alone with Samuel right now. Please!" she replied and rubbed her shoulder. **
> 
> **"Okay, but there are some things I need to tell you. Since you don't talk to Chris and he doesn't want to talk to you, I should tell you something from him."**
> 
> **"I am not very eager to hear it, Cap."**
> 
> **"5 minutes, okay?"**
> 
> **Rita nodded and let Harry in. He made his way to the bassinet and looked down at Samuel. The boy still was sound asleep. **
> 
> **"So, what does Chris have to tell me?" Rita asked harshly. **
> 
> **"He's going to let you go, Rita."**
> 
> **"Wha... what?" Rita stammered.**
> 
> **"He said he's going to let you go. He said you can do what you want to do, you can take your child wherever you want to, if that's what makes you happy. He only wants to see you be happy."**
> 
> **"He... he really said that?"**
> 
> **"Yes. Look, Rita, I don't know anything about what your problems are, but I see this man in the rehab center with a broken heart. For the last 3 days he is sitting in a chair in his room, staring out the window. He hasn't talked to anybody, he refused to do his training, the nurses told me he even refuses to eat. And what do I see here? A broken heart as well. You've been hiding here the last 3 days with Samuel. You should go and talk to Chris. Nothing can be such important to ruin everything you've built up the last few years. The friendship you had, the love... go and work it out. Give yourself some time." Harry stopped for a moment because he saw tears trickling down Rita's cheeks. "You love Chris, I know that. You both have a broken heart. This really can't be what you want. Have a new beginning. Do it for yourself and do it for your child. Don't let it end this way just because Chris doesn't remember. It's in your hands, Rita."**
> 
> * * *
> 
> **Another day passed that Chris had spent in the chair at the window. Harry had told Rita, he knew that. Nobody had to tell him. He'd let her go. This had been the most difficult and painful decision he had ever made, but he was sure it was the best for Rita and their son. If she didn't want him back, he had to let her go. **
> 
> **He heard the door opening behind him. He was sure it was a nurse bringing his dinner. **
> 
> **"I am not hungry." he uttered. He didn't even turn.**
> 
> **"I am... I am not bringing something to eat." a voice replied. Chris froze. No, this couldn't be. He'd let her go. Why was she here now? Why?**
> 
> **"What are you doing here, Rita?" he asked, still staring outside the window.**
> 
> **"We need to talk." she answered and approached. Chris shook his head.**
> 
> **"Look at me, Chris. Look at me!" she demanded.**
> 
> **Chris slowly turned his head and looked at her. What he could see were sad eyes, totally red from crying. Those deep green eyes he loved so much, the sparkling green eyes... they were gone. Rita as well stared into sad eyes, red from crying. Chris' blue eyes, blue like the ocean, where had they gone?**
> 
> **"You wanna talk to me? What about? You said your peace the last time we talked." Chris said with gritted teeth.**
> 
> **Rita sighed, "Why did you tell Harry that you'll let me go?"**
> 
> **"You don't want me feeling responsible for you and I don't want you feeling responsible for me. You made it clear you doesn't want me back."**
> 
> **"No, that's not true, Sam. I never said that."**
> 
> **They sat in silence for some time. Neither one of them knew what to do right now. The tension in the room was increasing. Chris was the first to say something.**
> 
> **"Rita, I really don't know what I did wrong. All my life I was afraid to tell you what I was feeling for you. Then I did it and I don't remember how and when... this is driving me nuts. After I woke up and saw your wedding band my whole life crashed. All I ever lived for was you. Thinking you were married to someone else..." a tear ran down Chris' cheek. He immediately wiped it away. "Something had changed between us, I somehow knew it. I always wondered what I did to you, what mistakes I made that you married someone else. I've always loved you, but I couldn't tell you because I was sure I wasn't more than a best friend to you. Even that seems to have changed..."**
> 
> **"Chris, I..." Rita wanted to object, but Chris raised his hand.**
> 
> **"Please, let me finish this. Then I will let you go forever."**
> 
> **"No, you let me say this, Sam." Rita shouted. "I never will let you go, Christopher."**
> 
> **Chris felt Rita's hand on his cheek. She gently caressed it. He put his hand on top of hers and squeezed it.**
> 
> **"Why?" Chris asked.**
> 
> **"Because I love you. Because you are my best friend, my husband, the father of my son..." Rita's voice trailed off. Tears streamed down her cheeks. "We've both worked hard for this. It wasn't only the past 2 years you don't remember that lead us where we ended, it was all the time we were allowed to spend together. I... See, I said words were easy to say, but you really wanted to let me go because you loved me and wanted to see me happy..."**
> 
> **"This was the hardest and most painful decision I ever had to make. Thinking I am going to lose you and Samuel forever... I love you, Rita. I would do everything that makes _you_ happy."**
> 
> **"Would you come back to me and Samuel?" Rita whispered, than added, "Even without remembering the past 2 years?"**
> 
> **"Yes, I would like to. More than anything else in my life." Chris whispered back. A smile broke out on his face.**
> 
> **"You know, we can't continue where we stopped before you were shot."**
> 
> **"I know, Rita, since I don't remember it would be a little problem." he teased and made her smile. "We will have a new beginning. You, me and Samuel."**
> 
> **Chris took Rita's hand in his and looked down at the wedding band. He twisted it before he looked up at Rita and stared into her eyes.**
> 
> **"Rita, would you marry me again?" he asked. Rita wiped the tears out of her face and hugged him close. She never wanted this embrace to end. **
> 
> **"I love you, Chris." was all she said.**
> 
> * * *
> 
> **3 months after Chris had woken up from his coma he was allowed to leave the rehab center. He still hadn't recover fully, but he was strong enough now to go back home. Home, home wasn't the loft any longer. Home was a small house at the beach with a front yard for Samuel. Neither Chris nor Rita knew how they ever could pay for the house, but that wasn't very important at the moment. Harry had paid the loan for the house, he'd insisted. **
> 
> **Chris was sitting in his wheelchair in front of the rehab center when Harry drove up with the car. Chris' face lit up when saw Rita exiting the car as well. She walked over to him and kissed him passionately.**
> 
> **"Ready to get home?" she whispered into Chris' ear.**
> 
> **"Absolutely. Absolutely." he replied and got up. "I never wanna see one of these in my whole life."**
> 
> **Chris gave the wheelchair a push that rolled back into the building.**
> 
> **"I am ready to go home now."**
> 
> * * *
> 
> **Frannie and Samuel were waiting in front of the house when they arrived. Chris hadn't seen the house before, but Rita had tried to describe it the best she could. Samuel squealed happily when he saw his parents. He raised his arms.**
> 
> **"Nice house, huh, champ?" Chris laughed after he'd taken Samuel from Frannie's arm. They all entered the house. Downstairs were the living room and the kitchen. Upstairs were three bedrooms. One for Chris and Rita, one for Samuel and one for...**
> 
> **Chris plumped on the couch in the living room, bouncing Samuel on his arms. He looked around and spotted two badges lying on the mantelpiece. He handed Samuel back to Frannie and got up. Two golden badges... He took them in his hands and looked down at them.**
> 
> **"Don't think you'll get this back immediately, Lorenzo." Harry suddenly said behind him. Chris turned and frowned.**
> 
> **"Your badge is waiting for you, Chris. You'll always be welcome."**
> 
> **"Thank you, Cap, but I don't want this." **
> 
> **Chris handed his badge back to Harry. Then he placed Rita's badge back on the mantelpiece.**
> 
> **"What?" Harry exclaimed. "Okay, okay, I won't start arguing. Take the time to think over it."**
> 
> **"I did, Cap. I really did. My job cost me my life almost twice. I have a gorgeous wife and a beautiful baby now. I never gonna come back to the force. They are too important for me."**
> 
> **"And you are too important for us." Rita added. She approached and put her arm around Chris' waist. Then she grabbed her badge from the mantelpiece as well and handed it back to Harry. **
> 
> **"Thank you, Harry. For everything you did for us." she began. "I've learned a lot the last year. One thing is that Chris and Samuel mean a lot more to me than anything else. I don't think I can be a cop and a mother. I guess I won't come back either."**
> 
> **"I somehow thought you were going to tell me this some time." Harry replied. "But hey, I guess you're right. You're young, you can still do what you want. The force isn't the most important thing in life. Love is more important."**
> 
> **Chris and Rita looked at each other. They'd never expected to hear this from Harry. **
> 
> **"Ah, and this is from your friends at the shop. They thought you might wanna have it."**
> 
> **Harry fetched a small package from the table in the living room and handed it to Rita. She opened it immediately and pulled a golden plaque out. She read it out loud...**
> 
> **"Sgt. Christopher Lorenzo and Lt. Rita Lee Lance-Lorenzo. The best homicide team ever. We'll never forget you. Your friends from Palm Beach PD."**
> 
> **"Cap, how...?" Chris stammered and stared at the plaque.**
> 
> **"Guess they all knew it way before you did."**
> 
> **"Thank you."**
> 
> **Rita hugged Harry with tears in her eyes. Never had she expected anything to be so hard. But she knew they had to do this. Their love for each other and their little boy were more important than anything else. Rita broke the embrace and wiped the tears away. **
> 
> **"Since this is times for presents, I have something for you as well, Sam."**
> 
> **Chris handed a folded piece of paper to Rita. She carefully opened it and began to read...**
> 
> **_I am so in love with you   
I just can't deny it   
Everybody knows I can't deny it   
Everybody knows_**
> 
> **_You can read me like a book   
Just like a fortune teller   
Everybody needs a fortune teller   
Telling you the very truth_**
> 
> **_You bring me feelin'   
You bring me fire   
You give me a love that's taking me higher   
It just goes to prove   
What one good woman can do_**
> 
> **_You fill me with hope   
With love and devotion   
You taught me how to show my emotion   
It just goes to prove   
What one good woman can do_**
> 
> **_You bring out the best in me   
With love and understanding   
Anytime I need some understanding   
You are always there_**
> 
> **_And if I ever lose my way   
You're always there to guide me   
Anyone can see you're here inside me   
Anyone can see it_**
> 
> **_This is our time we have it all   
We have a way of knowing   
If we're heading for a fall   
We'll work it out and get it right   
And when I get home to you   
You're such a sight for my poor eyes_**
> 
> **When Rita looked up at Chris she realized they were alone in the living room. Harry and Frannie silently had left, taking baby Samuel with them. **
> 
> ** "Sam, you made me speechless, you know that?" Rita sniffed and wiped a tear from her eye.**
> 
> **"Hey, everything for the woman I love. I want you to be happy."**
> 
> **"I am happy as long as you're with me, Christopher. I love you."**
> 
> **"And I love you."**
> 
> * * *
> 
> **The time went by in a rush and neither Chris nor Rita ever regretted that they left the force. They had their new life with Samuel. Chris was still recovering from the damage in his body while Rita was teaching Criminal Investigations at West Palm Beach College three mornings a week. The rest of the time they spent with Samuel, and both were glad they were allowed to spent the time together as a family.**
> 
> **Autumn quickly came and left. Soon it was going to be Chris and Rita's first anniversary. What should be a big day for everyone would be a sad day for Chris. The biggest day in his life and he didn't remember. Though Rita had told him every little detail about their wedding, it still wasn't really his wedding. He had been there, but he just couldn't remember.**
> 
> **Rita felt Chris feared this day. She knew this wasn't the kind of first anniversary both wished it would be. She needed to cheer him up a little. Instead of being their first anniversary, this should be their wedding day. **
> 
> **Rita had told Chris she wanted to take him and Samuel out for a picnic. She didn't tell where they were going, so Chris was surprised when she stopped the car near a small park at the harbor.**
> 
> **"Here?" he asked, unsure what she wanted there.**
> 
> **"Yes." Rita replied and got out of the car. She opened the door to the back seat where a six months old boy was waiting impatiently.**
> 
> **"Why here?" Chris asked again after Rita had handed him Samuel.**
> 
> **"I will tell you later." she mumbled. Her head disappeared in the trunk and she dragged out a basket and a blanket. "Ready?" she smiled at Chris.**
> 
> **"Yeah, but I still don't know why we're here."**
> 
> **"I said I will tell you later, Sam. Don't be so impatient."**
> 
> **They walked along the harbor to a remote place in the park. Rita put the things down and placed tha blanket on the ground. They both sat down. Chris had Samuel on his lap. **
> 
> **"Will you tell me why we are here now? Please!" Chris demanded.**
> 
> **"I think it's a nice place."**
> 
> **"Yeah, I think that as well, but why are we here?"**
> 
> **"This is where we got married a year ago, Chris."**
> 
> **"Here?" he asked, disbelieving. **
> 
> **"Yes. Pretty nice spot to get married, huh?"**
> 
> **"I... I wish I would remember, Rita." Chris replied and turned his eyes away for a moment. Rita reached out and gently caressed his cheek. She forced him to face her again. **
> 
> **"You'll remember this day, Sam. I love you."**
> 
> **She bent forward and kissed him passionately. They let the kiss linger for awhile until the little boy between them began to get fussy. Samuel threw his arms high in the air and whined. Chris and Rita broke their embrace and looked down at their son. Samuel stared up at his parents, his blue eyes wide open. He twitched his little nose and opened his mouth wide.**
> 
> **"Well, someone seems to be hungry there." Rita laughed and turned to get Samuel's bottle from the basket. "Come here, big boy. Mommy will feed you."**
> 
> **"Let me do this." Chris objected and took the bottle out of Rita's hand. She just nodded. Samuel meanwhile reached for the bottle in Chris' hand. He opened his mouth again and nodded eagerly.**
> 
> **"And the little plane is about to land..." Chris laughed. He made three circles with the bottle and then put it into Samuel's mouth. The little boy began to drink immediately. Rita only could smile at them.**
> 
> **"You're a great dad, you know that, Chris?" Rita said after a while.**
> 
> **"I know, Sam. I am the best!" he teased and smiled at her. "You're not that bad either. But I think we're only such good parents because we have this beautiful baby here."**
> 
> **"Yeah."**
> 
> **Rita brushed Samuel's hair. The boy turned his eyes to her while still drinking from his bottle. His eyes sparkled and he smiled a bit.**
> 
> **After Samuel was finished Chris put him down for a nap. He was lying on the blanket, his dummy in his mouth, sound asleep. Rita was lying next to him, her head on her elbow. She watched her baby sleeping while Chris watched the boats out in the harbor. After some time he turned and stared at Rita.**
> 
> **"What?" she asked and sat up.**
> 
> **"Nothing. I was just thinking how lucky I am."**
> 
> **"We are both lucky, Sam."**
> 
> **"Indeed we are."**
> 
> **Chris smiled lovingly at Rita and kissed her. After all they had gone through there seemed to be a happy ending.**
> 
> **"Chris, I have something on my mind I need to tell you." Rita uttered with a serious expression.**
> 
> **"What do you need to tell me?" Chris asked and moved a bit closer. He put his arm around her shoulder.**
> 
> **"We... what do you think about renewing our wedding vows?"**
> 
> **Chris was startled by this question. He didn't know what to answer. He took both her hands into his and directly stared into her deep green eyes.**
> 
> **"Rita, I promise to love and comfort you, to honor you and keep you in sickness and in health, in prosperity and adversity and I will be faithful to you as long as I live."**
> 
> **For a moment Rita couldn't say anything. Tears were welling in her eyes, she had to fight them.**
> 
> **"Ah... Chris, I promise to love and comfort you, to honor you and keep you in sickness and in health, in prosperity an adversity and I will be faithful to you as long as I live."**
> 
> **For a moment they sat there in silence.**
> 
> **"Uhm..." Chris began, "doesn't the priest now say 'you may kiss the bride'?"**
> 
> **Rita nodded when she felt Chris' lips softly touching hers. His fingers ran through her hair. Then they both fell sidewards onto the lawn. They began to laugh. **
> 
> **"I will love you forever, Rita. With everything I have."**
> 
> **"I know."**
> 
> * * *
> 
> **Chris kneeled on the lawn outside in their garden. **
> 
> **"Sammy, come on! Daddy's here. Walk to me." he shouted and clapped his hands. Samuel was standing at the railing of his playpen, his hands searching for support. **
> 
> **"Sammy, I know you can do it. One step after another. Walk to daddy!"**
> 
> **Samuel slowly turned and looked at Chris. He smiled at him and showed him his first teeth. Then he reluctantly put one foot in front of the other. He left the playpen behind and slowly made his way to Chris. He was walking! Samuel was walking.**
> 
> **"Rita!! Rita! He's walking! Sammy's walking!" Chris yelled and opened his arms. **
> 
> **Samuel laughed loud and waved his arms when his mother rushed outside into the garden. She caught Samuel's final steps until he reached Chris' arms. **
> 
> **"You're walking!" Chris laughed and whirled Samuel through the air. "Hey, big boy, you're walking!"**
> 
> **Samuel giggled on Chris' arm and put his fist in his mouth. He laughed at his mother and waved his free hand.**
> 
> **"Come here, big boy." **
> 
> **Rita took the baby from Chris' arms. She smiled broadly and kissed him on his cheek. **
> 
> **"Baby's first steps." Chris smiled and placed his arm around Rita's shoulders. Then he tickled Samuel.**
> 
> **"Baby steps, Chris."**
> 
> **The end**
> 
> * * *
> 
> **Standard Disclaimer. The characters of Chris Lorenzo, Rita Lee Lance, Harry and Frannie Lipschitz, George Donovan and Keisha belong to USA Network and Stephen J. Cannell. Go to Sleep belongs to Roxette. One Good Woman belongs to Peter Cetera. No infringement intended.**
> 
> **Thanks to Karen for editing the story, for finding the title for this story, all the comments, the mass of email keeping my head up, etc.... And thanks to everyone on the Silk List and everyone else who bombarded me with emails asking about the next story. Keeps me busy writing!**
> 
> * * *
> 
> **[Back to my main page][1]**

   [1]: http://www.geocities.com/Hollywood/Hills/5351/index.html



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